When you have a partner and they seem to be holding on to their past relationship, chances are this will cause fights between the two of you. If your partner seems like they are not ready to date you or if they seem like they are still addicted to their ex, starting a relationship might not be the right choice. It is important to talk to them about this.
Even if the conversation is hard, it is important to tell them things that you have noticed and to see what they have to say about it. Be open with them and let them know what you are feeling. If you find out you are wrong, this can make the relationship feel complicated but if you have these feelings, you need to work them out before you move on.
If you find that these feelings are true, you might want to go to therapy with your partner so that they can figure out what is holding them back in their past relationship and to help them to move forward. If they are working on who they are, remember this and if it seems like it is not a good time to be with your partner because they are stuck in their past, decide if you should stay in the relationship or move forward.
Knowing this, there are some signs that you can look at to know if your partner may not have moved forward from their ex:
Negative Talk
Your partner should not always want to talk about your ex or to go places they hung out together but if they have moved on, they will want to leave this relationship in the past. Maybe they had a bad breakup or parted on negative terms, but if they are always talking negatively about their ex, this can be a bad sign.
If someone talks about their ex all the time or says they hate their ex, their feelings towards them are strong. Their hate can be an indication that they have not moved forward.
Social Media
It is normal for someone to wonder what their ex is doing in their life but if you find that your partner is constantly checking up on their ex, this can mean they are still attached to them. If you see them checking their status, liking all of their pictures or commenting on things they post, they are too tied with their ex and they are not ready to be dating someone new.
Mementos
Your partner should not be holding on to mementos from their last relationship. This can make you wonder if they have really moved on or if they are trying to keep the memories alive. If your partner has items from their ex such as personal items, take this as a sign. This can include clothing items or romantic gifts.
It is different that they would hold on to pictures or items from the house, but if they are holding on to things such as jewelry or their ex’s sweater, this can be a red flag.
Upset Over Ex
If your partner is always interested in what their ex is doing or if they seem jealous of the people their ex is hanging out with, your partner most likely has not moved forward.
If they feel sad sometimes about their ex, this is one thing, but they should not always be upset when something about their ex comes up.
Even though you cannot force your partner to go to therapy, if they want to move forward with you, they should agree to do this for you.
Conversation
Talking about your ex is one thing but if your partner is always talking about their ex, chances are they have not moved on.
If you are specifically having a talk about your partners ex, this is one thing but if he or she brings them up on a regular basis, this can mean they are always thinking about them and they have not moved on in their life.
If your partner mentions their ex all the time, this is something you need to talk to them about.
Catching Up
When you can catch up with your ex sometimes, this can be a sign of maturity but if you seem overly friendly with your ex, this can mean they have not moved on.
If your partner is constantly texting or calling their ex or meeting up with them, this can be a bad situation for you, and you need to move forward.
The only difference or expectation in this is if your partner is a co-parent with you. This type of relationship is still hard, but it is good for the children.
Comparing
People from your past can be seen in different ways and if your partner points out things that they used to do with their ex, this is normal. On the other hand, if your partner is always talking with their ex or if they make you feel negative, this can mean that there is a red flag. Do not ignore this.
It is normal to find these things upsetting and you need to talk to your partner about it.
Clean Slate
Your partner should not be holding on to mementos form their ex but if they are clinging to their past relationship in any way, this is unhealthy.
If you notice your partner has not made an effort to clean their slate after breaking up with their ex such as having their picture on their screen saver, this means they are not ready to leave the past behind. This can also mean they still have romantic feelings for them.
Ask them about this and if your partner is weird about moving on, this can mean it is not a good time for you and them to be together.
Upset
Everyone has someone they like to go to when they are upset but if your partner turns to their ex instead of you, this is a time to move on without them.
If you find that your partner is always running to their ex when something is wrong, you need to bring this up and confront them.
If this makes you feel uncomfortable, talk to your partner about this and if they do not want to change, move forward and find someone else to love.
If your partner does not set boundaries in their past relationship, it can mean that it is time for you to move forward and to find new love. You need to make sure that you are happy, supported and that you are sure that you are in the right relationship.