Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of G No’s proposal and my acceptance. What a difference a year has made. The anniversary of this ominous occasion was difficult for me. I’m wondering how it was for him.
I have decided to share with you, my reticent readers, the letter he gave me when he proposed. Why? I’m wondering if you can help me make sense of it all. The letter below sounds like it was written by a man who was deeply in love. Nine months later, he ran out the door. Three months later, I am still confused by what has happened. Re-reading the letter hasn’t made this easier to reconcile.
Here goes:

Just when I thought I was making progress moving on from the serious split with G No, I had a nasty reminder of the past show up in my calendar last week. After suffering through a particularly horrendous week at work, I woke up on Friday morning (a beautiful, sunny day), and checked my calendar. All it took to shake my morning up were two words: ‘G No’s Birthday!’ Yech.
I had been reminded of it off and on, when I wasn’t totally distracted by my worrisome work situation. But all of a sudden, there it was. I thought about what I had done for him in the past and how we had celebrated before. I had, months previously, known that I would have done what I always do to celebrate his day: made arrangements for a fun night out, bought one of his favourite desserts and gotten him a thoughtful, heartfelt gift. Not this year.

Phew!
One of the hardest parts of any break up is dealing with the horrible feeling of rejection. In my case, it was less of a rejection and more of G No being unable to operate at my level, but I digress… After he took off, I worried that I might not meet someone new. That I might not be a desirable partner for someone better.. That I might have lost my touch…
About one month ago, I went on my first date in over 2 years. I had performance anxiety, as I felt I had become a bit of an expert in my serial dating experience before meeting G No. Could I still be smart, funny and charming on a date? Could I still attract a man?? Could I achieve second date status??? I met up with a very nice guy. We had a lovely date and I was all of those things. I was exhausted that night, but he was impressed by my energy. Again, phew! Unfortunately, I did not feel a connection with him and when he asked for a second date, I had to turn him down. He was cool about it, so it ended up being a very nice first exposure back into the scene.

Due to popular request from you, my faithful followers, I am going to address what I feel are the reasons why my former fiance, G No, left. I, along with many others (including professionals), have narrowed it down to 3 main factors:
Fear. Change. Guilt.
The fear? Perhaps of an unfamiliarity with living a new, happy, healthy, balanced way of life with the best possible partner.
The change? Going from single to engaged to homeowner to cohabitant… I know all about it, as I was going through it, too.
The Guilt? Of being happy, I suspect.

… before you do? Four months before you were supposed to get married?? And one month after your fiance has taken off??? Yep, that’s right! A few weeks ago, I rsvp’d to my brother’s wedding. The wedding that I had anticipated attending with G No was last night. Although I had found a suitable replacement date, it was too late to add a seat at the table, so I managed through it alone. I did, however, end up having 2 dates with me – my super supportive aunt and uncle. At the party, I soon found myself with a suitor, danced the night away and turned down a marriage proposal. All in a night’s work! I wore a beautiful dress and got lots of attention. People couldn’t stop commenting on it and saying what a mistake G No made. And how crazy he must be. Clearly.

No, I did not get up intentionally to watch it. Hell, no! I knew I was going to have to be careful with this one. Unfortunately, I was woken at 3.30am due to the 3 glasses of wine consumed the night before during a celebration with coworkers. Well-earned wine. So, there I was, hoping to get back to sleep so that I wouldn’t have to subject myself to the torture, but it was not meant to happen. At 5am, I began watching the royal affair.

I was doing well at first. I got goosebumps when Prince Charming arrived at the church. It was exciting. Historic. Compelling. It was thrilling when Kate got into the car and then arrived at the church. As she linked arms with her father and started to walk down the aisle, that’s when the floods of tears began. For months after the royal engagement, I joked with my friends that Wills and Kate were stealing my thunder. Now, my former partner, who we will now refer to as G No, has stolen my wedding.