That’s right.
Yep, that’s what I said!
I wanted to let you all know that Valentines Day 2013 is the day that may (or may not) represent the one year anniversary since I had sex. Shock. Horror! How come maybe? Well, that’s sadly because last year, the last time I was known to fornicate, happened to be when I was dating Big Daddy, whose performance in the sack should have led me to sack him. Our last attempt at lovemaking (similar to the first and second episodes…) was an unmemorable affair. What do I remember? Oh yes, that’s it… I certainly remember not having an orgasm! So, to recap, this time last year I was faking it. Sad, sad, sad! Therefore, this year I’m calling this Hallmark holiday ‘Vagina Day’, as it marks the unfortunate occasion of when I last used my vagina.
Stop laughing!

>… A normal boyfriend!
I have so many wonderful things in life, such as a field of study that I love, a blog with which to air my thoughts on all aspects of dating, mating and relating, a fabulous family (well, most of the time), a satisfying support group of sexy singleton pals, I am able to pursue my passions and I even have my two front teeth. The only thing that’s missing is a normal boyfriend.
Santa has brought me many men in the past. He has bestowed upon me a motley crew consisting of The Alcoholic Workaholic, Superman, Mr. Hello Wall and my generous gift from last year, Big Daddy. I was grateful each time that Santa remembered what I asked for, however it seems that he didn’t get all of the specifications right. Kinda like sending me the toy I wanted except that it was broken…

No joke.
The belief that Big Daddy might be a cokehead cannot be proven at this time, however the fact that he is a Peeping Tom can!
Following the advice of a psychic that I saw a few months ago (I know, I know…), I put a dating profile up online as he felt that I might meet my significant other this month. Yet again, I was contacted solely by salesmen, cheats and liars. And people with their shirts off.. And people who sound like they’re one bad date away from having a relationship with their pet… Exhausted and disgusted at the prospects (or, lack thereof), I decided to check out who had been checking me out. When I scrolled down the list of creeping creeps, Big Daddy’s profile popped up. I was surprised. Shocked. Saddened. Having not spoken since the breakup (it’s been almost 5 months), it brought back all the drama. It also stirred up lots of questions:

But next week is going to be even funnier thanks to Big Daddy’s latest ex antics! Stay tuned.

It’s hilarious because I’m sure every sexy singleton has their own version…

Well, well, well… Maybe that explains his behaviour! Imagine my shock and horror when a mutual friend of mine and Big Daddy’s, told me that he suspects cocaine use (due to recent frazzled encounters). Who knew?! Certainly not me!
Now, I’m no angel, however I am no junkie! Never having tried cocaine, I had to refer to the internet to check the signs of use:

Welcome to my mancation. I will be on mancation for the entire month of March. And possibly beyond. What is mancation, you wonder? Well, let me define it for you:
Mancation (man-kay-shun) noun:
1. A period of suspension of all dating related activities, to be used for rest, relaxation and time to undue the psychological trauma brought on by the act of dating.
2. Freedom or release from the duty of trying to find a normal boyfriend.
3. A total lack of kissing, making out or sex. But due to the need for a mancation, you’re probably not in the mood anyway.

One of the most exciting things about a new relationship is learning to communicate, am I right?!
Um, no, it’s not the most fun but it certainly lays the groundwork. If you can get there. My newest boyfriend, who we’ll call Big Daddy, and I had quite the communication clusterf*ck the other night. Oh yeah, you know, that night… Valentines Day night!
It started out so well. He showed up in a sexy suit with two dozen stunning red roses in hand. Perfection. We talked about our days, revelled in some romance and made out a bit…