Holy sh*t. Did I mention that G Spot and I bought a place together?? Did I mention that I moved? Did I mention that, therefore, G Spot and I will be moving in together??? In keeping with the theme of the past few months, which is change, we bought a fabulous condo together and will be moving in this Spring. Fortunately, for both our sakes, we don’t have to move in together right away.

Let’s just say that G Spot and I will not be entering our names into the draw for the Healthy Couples contest this year…

… only I get to!!! Yep – I love my g spot so much I’m going to marry it…

Trust me, I don’t take good health for granted. I am in awe of people who never get sick. I tend to get every virus going, along with a host of many other (often unspeakable) ailments. My lover, the intensely immune G Spot, never gets sick. In the year and half that we’ve been together, he’s been forced to listen to me hack like an iron-lunged smoker,

Seriously – what the eff is going on here??? I’ve never heard as much about cheating in my life as I have in the past few months. My first exposure to a cheating scandal was in my youth, when Price Charles famously two-timed Princess Diana with “the rottweiler” Camilla Parker-Bowles. As if that wasn’t shocking enough, then came Hugh Grant’s famous fellatio scenario with the lovely and demure Divine Brown.

I had to watch World Cup football for my boyfriend today. When the request was first made, I was shocked and dismayed. However, I realized that I might have to ask G Spot, my FIFA-loving lover, to participate in something that he might not like at some point. As a result, we ended up at a bar watching the game with the most dedicated fans. At 9.30 in the morning. On a Sunday.

… and isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t it also good that I resisted the urge to quote the lyrics to “Opposites Attract” as the title of this post?? Isn’t it too bad that I couldn’t resist using the picture of Paula Abdul and Scat Cat to get the point across??? What has become of me?! This post is dedicated to my lover, G Spot, who seems to feel that we have more differences than similarities. I disagree.

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Perhaps, someday soon, someone will write an article about the type of man one should marry. In the meantime, here are weirdos to watch out for. These tips have been brought to us by National Moderate News Magazine. The main correspondent, quite shockingly, is Father Pat Connor, an 81 year old priest from New Jersey. I know, I know… it seems so wrong. Like, what the hell would he know? Well, he’s been listening to the real housewives of New Jersey complain in the confessional for decades and has passed on these transcendental tips:
* Money really is important in a relationship. Father Pat’s words:

Nope! Look at us grow! Yep, my worldly lover, G Spot and I took a mini break together to the beautiful, exciting, expensive and expansive city of New York. The trip involved a lot of careful planning and itinerary-arranging on my part (apparently this is an area of great challenge for most men…), but it was well worth it. Knowing that we can travel together without incident (or insolence) is a nice lesson learned. Phew!

I have heard others describe Facebook as the root of all evil. I have now experienced the evil first hand. Through an invitation to a friend’s birthday party, I came across a picture of my ex, the crashing bore known as Mr. Hello Wall. First came the profile photo to show that he had bought a house. Then came the profile photo to indicate that not only is he married, but he married the woman he met on Craigslist after we broke up. He married the chrome sucking slut (see related post).