This post is dedicated to my new boyfriend and lover. Last night, we had steamy first-time sex. This morning, we luxuriated in a tangle of limbs in bed. This afternoon, he broke the barrier…

As I lay on the paper-covered table with my panties off and my legs in the air, I was struck by the bond that I have formed with the girl who waxes my bikini line. The relationship I have with my aesthetician has outlasted any relationship I’ve ever had with a man. Being between ex-boyfriends (heh!), I quickly came to realize that this girl knows my vagina better than anyone. As she stood over me with her head in my crotch, covering me with hot wax and telling me to brace myself because she was “going in”, I was able to see that she and I have one of the closest relationships I’ve ever had. What a job.

Yay! Since I cannot figure it out for myself, I have turned to the experts from DatingSite.org. Read on for their amazingly accurate advice:

If there is something in this world that you want, you should go after it, right? Making a list of your goals and desires, and then finding a way to achieve them is a strong way to go about getting what you want. The trick is you have to be specific. The more specific you are in terms of what you want in life, the greater the chances are of you achieving those goals. This is a great way to determine what you want in most aspects of your life, including using a dating site.

No, there is no punchline, because this is not a joke!

If the guy I’m currently dating only knew how many women he’s actually dating, he’d be quite the self-imagined stud. I admit that the current state of our ‘relationship’ is confusing. I admit that I played a part due to a lack of communication and initation. Now, I am left wondering where we’re at. Still, I am wondering if it’s even crossed his mind.

At this point in my life, I can safely say that I am the master of many of the domains of which I am in charge. I am the master of my home. I am the master of my career. I am the master of masturbation. What am I not the master of? My dating life.

For women such as myself, why do we allow this? We take charge to get what we want. When we want it. We won’t take no for an answer. So why, then, do we allow our precious dating lives to rest in the hands of men? Why do we give them the power?

This week, I am pleased to announce that we have a special guest post from online dating expert, Elizabeth of WeLoveDates.com. Though I’ve been around the block a few times, I do not have the sage and sound advice of this dating doyenne. Read below for her amazing and advantageous advice:

We Love Dates is an online dating website & dating advice blog for singles in the UK, Ireland, US, Canada, South Africa & Australia. Liz blogs (and vlogs!) daily about all things online dating, love, sex and relationships

Over the past few months, I have been unsure regarding what lies out there for me in the realm of romance. I have wondered if I will stay single, go on to meet Mr. Right, or go on to meet Mr. MaybeThisIsn’tRightButIt’sWhat’sOutThereForMe. Right.

Today, I was stirred and surprised to find that the local womens television network was showing Bridget Jones’s Diary. Again. This was great, because I’d only seen it 127 times previously and hadn’t memorized all the lines yet. Now, I have. This movie has always tugged at my heartstrings. By that, I mean that I am in floods of tears by the end of the film, desperately longing to find a lover like Mark Darcy. How fabulous would it be to be with a man who will buy you a new journal so that you can record new, happy events from the start of your relationship? Who would give up a pricey post in a new city to remain with you in yours?? Who would look at you lovingly while you whip up a disgusting dinner of blue string soup, orange parfait and congealed green gunge???

Ahhh, the physical pain that acts as a rude reminder of how long it’s been since you got some…

After a particularly arousing makeout session with the current dreamy guy, I woke up the next day with aches and pains all over. Where were these aches and pains, you wonder? Well, my arms and shoulders were sore (from supporting myself from not falling into him, which might not have been so bad…), I had a crick in my neck from where we fell asleep with our heads together (awww…) and I had tremendous inner thigh pain (from squeezing his sexy bod between my legs). It was stimulating. It was exciting. It brought me out of my sexual coma. Yes!

I have no choice other than to quote The Lovin Spoonful:
“Did you ever have to make up your mind? And say yes to one and let the other one ride. Did you ever have to make up your mind? You pick up on one and leave the other one behind. Did you ever have to finally decide?”

So, this is where I’m at. After being back on the scene a short while, I have met someone who seems totally cool. We have gone on a few dates, so it’s still early days, but I am interested to see what will happen. Sounds great, right?! Are you thinking there must be a catch? Well, of course there is. I had noticed that another suitor was becoming increasingly interested. When out the other night, he revealed his crazy crush. This crushed me. Why now? Where was he one month ago, before I’d met the other guy? Where had he been 4 years ago when he had the chance? Both guys have great qualities and are both fun to hang out with. Why are they here at once? Where were they during the many months of solitary singledom I had to endure over the past few years?? Why am I so confused???

Now that I am fully back in the game, I feel it is time to publish another set of rules as they apply to dating. In my previous post, Dating Etiquette 101, I addressed most of the major offences that I was experiencing. Now, I am pointing out the strange new methods that men are trying to use. Dudes, please take note of the following and try to correct your bad behaviour: